Anyone that is deeply entrenched within the world of video games knows how much unnecessary blame gets slopped on to the industry. If within the home of a serial rapist an Atari 2600 and a copy of Donkey Kong were found, some out of touch “voice of reason” would soon announce that the pixilated gorilla's kidnapping of the princess is the root of the rapists' actions…and, perhaps, his staunch anti-barrel, pro-ladders attitude toward life.
For every one Jack Thompson-like anti-video game activist there is out there, there are dozens of others that make their claims look rather sane by comparison.
In late 2007, the slim-trim Mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, decided to put an end to the unhealthy eating habits of his city's fatties. His plan was a simple one: Make San Fran's biggest stores pay a surcharge for selling any soda containing high-fructose corn syrup, an additive that is a substitute for sugar and health. The surcharge would be used to fund various anti-obesity programs within the city.
Newsom's plan may have been noble to some, but decidedly evil to crusaders like the Senior VP of the American Beverage Association, Kevin Keane, who publicly stated, "It makes no sense to single out any one single cause of obesity, which is a complex problem." He then immediately went on to single out a single cause in an interview with The International Herald Tribune.
"...that if Newsom really wanted to fight the fat, he would take on computer and video game companies, which Keane said lured children inside when they should be outside burning calories."
It should be noted that the Coca-Cola Company, with their 240 calories per 20 Oz. Bottle (more than your average steak), is an active member of the ABA. What's crazier is that chain sawing a guy in "Gears of War 2" is the caloric equivalent of 28 Coca-Colas.
www.weightlossforall.com
The movie tanked. On its opening weekend the film grossed an anemic $21 million (yes, in Hollywood $21 million is considered “anemic”), and ended up in 4th place just ahead of “Seabiscut” and below a little art house film called “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.”
In a response indicative of a heroin addict, the Paramount Pictures executives that made the movie opted to forgo sucking it up and taking the failure like men by blaming the failure of the movie on the failure of the aforementioned video game, Angel of Darkness. In an interview with Reuters news agency, Paramount distribution president, Wayne Lewellen, had this to say:
"The only thing we can attribute that to is that the gamers were not happy with the latest version of the Tomb Raider video game, which is our core audience.”
Rather than give our opinion of both the film and the game, we'll just hit you with some cold, hard numbers that pretty much sum-up the inherent stupidity of Mr. Lewellen's argument.
Rottentomatoes.com average score for Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life = 23%
Gamerankings.com (a review aggregator site like Rotten Tomatoes) average score for Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness = 56.23%
Granted, 56.23% still isn't very good. But, it's a whole 33.23% better than 23%.
The lesson learned here is sometimes the things you make suck. Trying to blame something else just makes you suckier. It's a fact of life.
www.rottentomatoes.com
www.gamerankings.com
www.gamespot.com
www.huffingtonpost.com
www.computerandvideogames.com
One of the bigger moments in a football/soccer loving Europeans' life is the Euro Cup. Like the Olympics, the Euro Cup takes place once every 4 years and it pits all of Europe's best against one another for the glory of something or other. None of that matters. What does matter is that England failed to reach the Euro Cup 2008 finals. In the aftermath of the devastating loss, many in the British press pontificated quite stupidly on the reason such an event occurred. Some thought it was because of the slight screw up in the performance of the Croatian national anthem that may or may not have given the Croatian team an edge, somehow. Others thought there were too many overseas players in the Premier league, which is just as racist as it sounds. But Robert Green, England's goalkeeper, had his own, unique views on the situation…
"We would have the best team if we could go into every household and throw away every PlayStation, Xbox and video game.”
You might be thinking that this quote is simply taken out of context, thereby skewing his opinion one way or another. Eh, not so much. Greens' bigger point here (we think) was that people nowadays are stuck at home playing video games and such, while not going out and actually doing things.
"Other countries seem to bring on world-class players, countries like Argentina and Brazil where often it's football or nothing.”
O–Okay…
His quotes then go on to become extraordinarily convoluted and strangely philosophical.
“In contrast we live in a country where we have choices and perhaps the will to do it, the need to escape your own situation, is not so clear."
There's an idea in there somewhere, we know there is. But, we'll be damned if we can find it. Is he railing against our modern over-abundance of choice? That we are so burdened by our ability to choose from so many different experiences that we are, in fact, left with less choice?
Nah, he's probably just angry that he lost.
afp.google.com
www.theregister.co.uk
When Oasis first hit the scene they were supposed to be the next big “thing.” They were supposed to be the next Beatles, the next Rolling Stones, the next Who, the next everything that is good about music. What they ended up being is a band that is slightly above average some of the time, while simultaneously being tabloid darlings all of the time. Seeing as how the Gallagher brothers have become so hugely popular for their off-stage antics, their opinions on random subjects seems to have taken on some inexplicable great importance. We assume that playing a guitar and fighting each other makes them a foremost expert on all of the worlds' ills.
The foremost authority on everything. Yes, him.
In an interview with the BBC, Noel Gallagher brought up the topic of the growing rate of violent knife-related crimes in the UK. His initial quote is a wise and logical one: “In my day, status was trying to be somebody, do you know what I mean, not trying to kill somebody." This is something nearly everyone can agree with.
But, then, he dove head first in to the realm of the blame game; a game that many contestants are far too misinformed to know how to play.
"People say it's through violent video games and I guess that's got something to do with it.”
"If kids are sitting up all night smoking super skunk and they become so desensitized to crime because they're playing these video games, it's really, really scary."
This idea of youthful violence getting pegged on video games was old and antiquated when it was first made. By the time Noel said it in 2008, he made himself look about as out of touch as car salesmen trying to get you in to a Model-T.
“The crank you use to turn it on is, like, a total chick-magnet”
Violence of any kind is not something brought on by a video game or a movie. It's brought on by the fact that we are human. We will paraphrase comedian David Cross for the logical end to this stupid argument, “What violent video games did Hitler play?”
www.nme.com
This is the logic of a school in Lincolnshire, England that banned such savage and primitive games as Tag due to the completely unheard of phenomenon of children getting hurt when they play.
BANNED!!
"The children are watching television, they're watching films and they're playing computer games, very often it's the violent element of that they are seeing and hearing.”
That quote from the school's head teacher is, believe it or not, factually correct. When kids watch violent films, violent TV shows, and play violent video games they are, in fact, seeing and hearing violence. Sadly, this natural fact of life – regardless of its inherent obviousness and general simplicity – is being retroactively used as an explanation for less than civil human behavior.
Tag, among many other playground games, is a contact sport. Even the name implies physical contact. When physical contact occurs, especially in a sport or game, sometimes things get a bit rough. It's bound to happen. Sure, having children play Tag with a strip of wood with a rusty nail sticking out of is a bad idea that we're almost totally against. But, banning the game because sometimes a tag with momentum behind it can turn in to a light shove shows a complete lack of understanding of what it means to be a kid.
To give the head teacher the benefit of the doubt, we're not sure what level of violence these children exhibited during their play time. But, as long as they weren't tea-bagging each other when they were down, just let the kids be kids.
news.bbc.co.uk
You know that particularly harrowing and gruesome portion of Grand Theft Auto where you have to assassinate a thicket of shrubs because they betrayed the mob boss you work for? If you do, then we're going to go out on a limb here and say that you weren't playing a GTA title. Perhaps you played a game you completely imagined during a 14 hour LSD high while staring at a wall and holding a blender that you think is the worst video game controller ever designed. If you did do that, than yes, you are right; the “liquefy” button is a bit unresponsive.
One day in 2008, a park in Sweden was defiled in the most heinous way possible: Some plants in it were slightly askew; probably due to some dastardly youths rampaging through the city like crazed killers out to set the world ablaze one photosynthetic organism at a time.
If there is a running theme in these stories it is that every idiot in them allows at least one halfway decent idea fly out of their mouths before they obliterate it with an earth-shatteringly stupid one. For instance, take these quotes by by Gert Axelsson, the park supervisor:
"I am very much considering getting surveillance.” Again, Like Noel up there, this is a wise and logical reaction to the problem...which is carpet bombed out of existence by blaming the entire indecent on Grand Theft Auto because it is the game "where you wreak havoc in the city."
You may now facepalm.
www.destructoid.com
For every one Jack Thompson-like anti-video game activist there is out there, there are dozens of others that make their claims look rather sane by comparison.
Obesity
In late 2007, the slim-trim Mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, decided to put an end to the unhealthy eating habits of his city's fatties. His plan was a simple one: Make San Fran's biggest stores pay a surcharge for selling any soda containing high-fructose corn syrup, an additive that is a substitute for sugar and health. The surcharge would be used to fund various anti-obesity programs within the city.
Newsom's plan may have been noble to some, but decidedly evil to crusaders like the Senior VP of the American Beverage Association, Kevin Keane, who publicly stated, "It makes no sense to single out any one single cause of obesity, which is a complex problem." He then immediately went on to single out a single cause in an interview with The International Herald Tribune.
"...that if Newsom really wanted to fight the fat, he would take on computer and video game companies, which Keane said lured children inside when they should be outside burning calories."
It should be noted that the Coca-Cola Company, with their 240 calories per 20 Oz. Bottle (more than your average steak), is an active member of the ABA. What's crazier is that chain sawing a guy in "Gears of War 2" is the caloric equivalent of 28 Coca-Colas.
www.weightlossforall.com
Hollywoods' bad movies
On June 20th, 2003, video game publisher Eidos interactive released their long awaited new installment of the famous Tomb Raider series, which features the buxom British babe, Lara Croft. Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness was hyped up to be the saving grace of a dying franchise that had slowly lost all of its relevance due to a flood of carbon copy sequels. A little over a month later, and in a desperate attempt at cross promotion, Tomb Raider: The Cradle of life – the sequel to the subpar Angelina Jolie vehicle, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – hit the theaters.
The movie tanked. On its opening weekend the film grossed an anemic $21 million (yes, in Hollywood $21 million is considered “anemic”), and ended up in 4th place just ahead of “Seabiscut” and below a little art house film called “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.”
In a response indicative of a heroin addict, the Paramount Pictures executives that made the movie opted to forgo sucking it up and taking the failure like men by blaming the failure of the movie on the failure of the aforementioned video game, Angel of Darkness. In an interview with Reuters news agency, Paramount distribution president, Wayne Lewellen, had this to say:
"The only thing we can attribute that to is that the gamers were not happy with the latest version of the Tomb Raider video game, which is our core audience.”
Rather than give our opinion of both the film and the game, we'll just hit you with some cold, hard numbers that pretty much sum-up the inherent stupidity of Mr. Lewellen's argument.
Rottentomatoes.com average score for Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life = 23%
Gamerankings.com (a review aggregator site like Rotten Tomatoes) average score for Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness = 56.23%
Granted, 56.23% still isn't very good. But, it's a whole 33.23% better than 23%.
The lesson learned here is sometimes the things you make suck. Trying to blame something else just makes you suckier. It's a fact of life.
www.rottentomatoes.com
www.gamerankings.com
www.gamespot.com
www.huffingtonpost.com
www.computerandvideogames.com
The suckiness of a soccer team
If you are currently living in the part of the world that isn't America, then you will understand how huge soccer…uh…football…how huge football is. Every game has the fanfare and excitement of a single American Super bowl with the added bonus of not having to deal with an obnoxious half time show showcasing the talents of an aging male rocker who is only on stage because he doesn't have a breast that can be yanked out of its bra.
One of the bigger moments in a football/soccer loving Europeans' life is the Euro Cup. Like the Olympics, the Euro Cup takes place once every 4 years and it pits all of Europe's best against one another for the glory of something or other. None of that matters. What does matter is that England failed to reach the Euro Cup 2008 finals. In the aftermath of the devastating loss, many in the British press pontificated quite stupidly on the reason such an event occurred. Some thought it was because of the slight screw up in the performance of the Croatian national anthem that may or may not have given the Croatian team an edge, somehow. Others thought there were too many overseas players in the Premier league, which is just as racist as it sounds. But Robert Green, England's goalkeeper, had his own, unique views on the situation…
"We would have the best team if we could go into every household and throw away every PlayStation, Xbox and video game.”
You might be thinking that this quote is simply taken out of context, thereby skewing his opinion one way or another. Eh, not so much. Greens' bigger point here (we think) was that people nowadays are stuck at home playing video games and such, while not going out and actually doing things.
"Other countries seem to bring on world-class players, countries like Argentina and Brazil where often it's football or nothing.”
O–Okay…
His quotes then go on to become extraordinarily convoluted and strangely philosophical.
“In contrast we live in a country where we have choices and perhaps the will to do it, the need to escape your own situation, is not so clear."
There's an idea in there somewhere, we know there is. But, we'll be damned if we can find it. Is he railing against our modern over-abundance of choice? That we are so burdened by our ability to choose from so many different experiences that we are, in fact, left with less choice?
Nah, he's probably just angry that he lost.
afp.google.com
www.theregister.co.uk
Noel Gallagher on Knife crime in the UK
When Oasis first hit the scene they were supposed to be the next big “thing.” They were supposed to be the next Beatles, the next Rolling Stones, the next Who, the next everything that is good about music. What they ended up being is a band that is slightly above average some of the time, while simultaneously being tabloid darlings all of the time. Seeing as how the Gallagher brothers have become so hugely popular for their off-stage antics, their opinions on random subjects seems to have taken on some inexplicable great importance. We assume that playing a guitar and fighting each other makes them a foremost expert on all of the worlds' ills.
The foremost authority on everything. Yes, him.
In an interview with the BBC, Noel Gallagher brought up the topic of the growing rate of violent knife-related crimes in the UK. His initial quote is a wise and logical one: “In my day, status was trying to be somebody, do you know what I mean, not trying to kill somebody." This is something nearly everyone can agree with.
But, then, he dove head first in to the realm of the blame game; a game that many contestants are far too misinformed to know how to play.
"People say it's through violent video games and I guess that's got something to do with it.”
"If kids are sitting up all night smoking super skunk and they become so desensitized to crime because they're playing these video games, it's really, really scary."
This idea of youthful violence getting pegged on video games was old and antiquated when it was first made. By the time Noel said it in 2008, he made himself look about as out of touch as car salesmen trying to get you in to a Model-T.
“The crank you use to turn it on is, like, a total chick-magnet”
Violence of any kind is not something brought on by a video game or a movie. It's brought on by the fact that we are human. We will paraphrase comedian David Cross for the logical end to this stupid argument, “What violent video games did Hitler play?”
www.nme.com
Violent playground behavior
Kids play. Kids get hurt when they play. Obviously, video games are to blame for kids getting hurt when they play, and arguing that fact is useless because, like, it just is.This is the logic of a school in Lincolnshire, England that banned such savage and primitive games as Tag due to the completely unheard of phenomenon of children getting hurt when they play.
BANNED!!
"The children are watching television, they're watching films and they're playing computer games, very often it's the violent element of that they are seeing and hearing.”
That quote from the school's head teacher is, believe it or not, factually correct. When kids watch violent films, violent TV shows, and play violent video games they are, in fact, seeing and hearing violence. Sadly, this natural fact of life – regardless of its inherent obviousness and general simplicity – is being retroactively used as an explanation for less than civil human behavior.
Tag, among many other playground games, is a contact sport. Even the name implies physical contact. When physical contact occurs, especially in a sport or game, sometimes things get a bit rough. It's bound to happen. Sure, having children play Tag with a strip of wood with a rusty nail sticking out of is a bad idea that we're almost totally against. But, banning the game because sometimes a tag with momentum behind it can turn in to a light shove shows a complete lack of understanding of what it means to be a kid.
To give the head teacher the benefit of the doubt, we're not sure what level of violence these children exhibited during their play time. But, as long as they weren't tea-bagging each other when they were down, just let the kids be kids.
news.bbc.co.uk
The senseless slaughter of some plants
You know that particularly harrowing and gruesome portion of Grand Theft Auto where you have to assassinate a thicket of shrubs because they betrayed the mob boss you work for? If you do, then we're going to go out on a limb here and say that you weren't playing a GTA title. Perhaps you played a game you completely imagined during a 14 hour LSD high while staring at a wall and holding a blender that you think is the worst video game controller ever designed. If you did do that, than yes, you are right; the “liquefy” button is a bit unresponsive.
One day in 2008, a park in Sweden was defiled in the most heinous way possible: Some plants in it were slightly askew; probably due to some dastardly youths rampaging through the city like crazed killers out to set the world ablaze one photosynthetic organism at a time.
If there is a running theme in these stories it is that every idiot in them allows at least one halfway decent idea fly out of their mouths before they obliterate it with an earth-shatteringly stupid one. For instance, take these quotes by by Gert Axelsson, the park supervisor:
"I am very much considering getting surveillance.” Again, Like Noel up there, this is a wise and logical reaction to the problem...which is carpet bombed out of existence by blaming the entire indecent on Grand Theft Auto because it is the game "where you wreak havoc in the city."
You may now facepalm.
www.destructoid.com
